the Lightbulb is Flickering

so it hit me, my brother is partially to blame for why I love rap music that is so out of my character

songs like

• 8Ball & MJG's whole Coming Out Hard album
• Crucial Conflict's "Hay"
• Tela's "Sho'Nuff"
• The Luniz's "I Got Five On It"
• Do or Die's "Smoke and Ride"
• Do or Die's "Do You Wanna Ride"

and so many others like it. His friends listened to these songs too and I would just ride and listen. My brother isn't a drinker or a smoker either but, like me, his friends are. and I'd just ride while they were doing that too (well not drinking of course)

my friend is always cracking jokes on me b/c I like thugs and he says that looking at me you'd think I wouldn't like songs like these or educated thugs but I do. I love them.

I Miss You

My letter to relationships

Dear Relationship,

I miss you.

I miss being in you.

I miss the companionship.

I miss having someone whose intention is to listen to what bothers/hurts/upsets me though at some point they stop and are just staring at me pretending to listen

I miss his desire to “fix” my problem, I think it’s cute b/c he can’t help it

I miss being slightly upset because he wants to “fix” my problem when I really just want him to listen to it

I miss actually wanting him to “fix” my problem because sometimes his solution is better/more logical than my own

I miss him being mad at whoever upset me

I miss being held

I miss the touch of that special someone

I miss somebody caring about me on purpose

I miss being told that the part of my personality that I see as a flaw is something he enjoys

I miss being on the verge of getting mad with him and then a particular song plays and all is {{momentarily}} forgotten

I miss wrestling with him

I miss depending on someone {{even in the slightest way}} to make/keep me happy

I miss someone being dependent on me {{even in the slightest way}} to make/keep them happy

I miss someone appreciating the fact that I’m easy to please

Come back to me, please {{in the right form though}}

Love, Me

Tattoos

I've come to learn (between getting my first one and designing my second and last one) that NOBODY will understand the significance behind your tattoo the way you do no matter how many times you explain it

Someone is always going to say it was stupid, pointless, etc b/c they've not seen/heard/been through whatever it was that inspired the tattoo

and that's fine, the world isn't meant to understand why you got stars tatted behind your ear or a picture of Katt Williams on your left shoulder blade

Some interesting ones I've seen

-a small pair of scissors on the neck of a hairstylist who specializes in cuts
-an eye with a tear drop on the thigh of my camp counselor to memorialize her best friend who died after taking a bullet for her
- a bar code to signify a friend being a product of her parents (I thought that was really clever)

A tweet just came across my timeline about how someone doesn't understand another person's tattoo and I felt compelled to post this. Also because after describing my next tattoo to a friend she said it was cool how it has significance to so many people in my life in different ways