Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas

I don't know where to begin except to say that it was an experience that I'll never forget. 

Once you've seen a Tyler Perry play LIVE you'll want to see all the rest of them LIVE and wish you'd have seen past ones that way too

I truly enjoyed myself and wish me and the TwinPisces had've camped out somewhere in the CEC so we could see the play again tonight.

TP starts on time. I mean 7:59 the lights were dimming and the curtain was rising

It started with a Christmas carol which immediately won my heart as Christmas music is my absolute favorite

There were some great songs in this one. Though she and I never said anything to each other there was one song that made me think about my daddy and I'm sure one of the other songs (about a mother and daughter) had my best friend thinking about her deceased mother. We gave each other looks but that was it. I almost wanted to cry

We laughed the whole entire time. There were some bloopers which made seeing it LIVE that much better. And you can really see that it's hard to keep a straight face when Tyler Perry turns into Madea.

And say what you want about her, Madea makes some good, no GREAT points when it comes to relationships, trust, love, forgiveness, etc. And maybe it's just me, but when she gets into her "teaching" mode you kind of forget that it's actually a man in a costume. And then I said to myself, Tyler Perry is a wise man.

There was one song that was sung by Tony Grant that made me want to throw a pair of my panties at him.  It also made me put myself in the shoes of the woman he was singing to. 

One of the character's name was China and you KNOW I had a good laugh at that.

When it was over TP came out and talked to us for a while. He told us that we were the first audience to actually see this production (that felt good). He asked where some of us were from and one elderly lady and her family said that they took Greyhound from New York City (people were yelling out cities in Alabama and someone said New Orleans). TP was so shocked he offered to pay for her flight back home. He also had them escorted backstage. She turned down his offer for a flight back to NYC saying she hated flying but I'm sure TP offered to pay for her bus fare back home.

A lot of people say that TP doesn't have that many white fans...yeah right, I saw a lot of white singles, couples and families piling in to see this play

I can't wait until this play is out on DVD. I really wish I could see it again

the Lightbulb is Flickering

so it hit me, my brother is partially to blame for why I love rap music that is so out of my character

songs like

• 8Ball & MJG's whole Coming Out Hard album
• Crucial Conflict's "Hay"
• Tela's "Sho'Nuff"
• The Luniz's "I Got Five On It"
• Do or Die's "Smoke and Ride"
• Do or Die's "Do You Wanna Ride"

and so many others like it. His friends listened to these songs too and I would just ride and listen. My brother isn't a drinker or a smoker either but, like me, his friends are. and I'd just ride while they were doing that too (well not drinking of course)

my friend is always cracking jokes on me b/c I like thugs and he says that looking at me you'd think I wouldn't like songs like these or educated thugs but I do. I love them.

I Miss You

My letter to relationships

Dear Relationship,

I miss you.

I miss being in you.

I miss the companionship.

I miss having someone whose intention is to listen to what bothers/hurts/upsets me though at some point they stop and are just staring at me pretending to listen

I miss his desire to “fix” my problem, I think it’s cute b/c he can’t help it

I miss being slightly upset because he wants to “fix” my problem when I really just want him to listen to it

I miss actually wanting him to “fix” my problem because sometimes his solution is better/more logical than my own

I miss him being mad at whoever upset me

I miss being held

I miss the touch of that special someone

I miss somebody caring about me on purpose

I miss being told that the part of my personality that I see as a flaw is something he enjoys

I miss being on the verge of getting mad with him and then a particular song plays and all is {{momentarily}} forgotten

I miss wrestling with him

I miss depending on someone {{even in the slightest way}} to make/keep me happy

I miss someone being dependent on me {{even in the slightest way}} to make/keep them happy

I miss someone appreciating the fact that I’m easy to please

Come back to me, please {{in the right form though}}

Love, Me

Tattoos

I've come to learn (between getting my first one and designing my second and last one) that NOBODY will understand the significance behind your tattoo the way you do no matter how many times you explain it

Someone is always going to say it was stupid, pointless, etc b/c they've not seen/heard/been through whatever it was that inspired the tattoo

and that's fine, the world isn't meant to understand why you got stars tatted behind your ear or a picture of Katt Williams on your left shoulder blade

Some interesting ones I've seen

-a small pair of scissors on the neck of a hairstylist who specializes in cuts
-an eye with a tear drop on the thigh of my camp counselor to memorialize her best friend who died after taking a bullet for her
- a bar code to signify a friend being a product of her parents (I thought that was really clever)

A tweet just came across my timeline about how someone doesn't understand another person's tattoo and I felt compelled to post this. Also because after describing my next tattoo to a friend she said it was cool how it has significance to so many people in my life in different ways

Writer's Benefit

I write both on paper and on my computer.

I used to just do it ONLY on the computer but now I’ve begun to do a lot of it on paper.

We’ve become so accustomed to our computers and smart phones coming with automatic spell check (even though some people ignore that little red line) that when it DOES come time to put pen to paper we’ve really forgotten how to spell.

I’m guilty of going to Google and typing in a word just to make sure I was spelling it correctly, or typing it into Word and having them check it for me.

Putting pen to paper has reinforced the spelling talents I had back in grade school (yes, I went far in the Spelling Bee competitions, lol). I’m being forced, a good thing, to actually look at a word that I’m unsure of and sound it out and even think on it to come up with its correct definition.

Also, putting pen to paper is so much more personal than texting and emailing. It means that someone took their time to actually sit down, find some paper and a pen and express their thoughts and feelings to you. Personal letters are becoming extinct but I’m going to keep them alive.

Remember when it was cool to have a pen pal? You couldn’t wait to tell them about what was going on with you and then you’d anxiously wait for their return letter in the mail? Well, one of my best friends could be called my pen pal. We haven’t seen each other since we first initially met back in 2002. We keep in touch through long emails and long letters. It’s a great feeling to sit down and write her a letter.

Oh and it doesn’t hurt that I adore my own handwriting. It makes writing out "thank you" cards that much more fun. Esp. when I use a color sharpie and not just a regular pen.  I had a guy at the post office watch me write out an address and asked me if I was a teacher. I told him I was and asked him how he knew. He said I had the handwriting of a teacher, nice, neat and very legible and easy to understand. The lady behind the counter agreed and said she wished I could write out addresses for everybody b/c some people come in with handwriting they themselves probably couldn’t read.

Boy, if that were a REAL job, I’d definitely take it

Love and Hate Relationships

I have a love and hate relationship with quite a few of my personality traits. What amplifies these relationships is that these traits are here for an eternity, they're not going ANYwhere no matter how many times I try to change. I've actually given up trying to change and will tell people who have issues with it, "You know me, or you say you do, you should know this is just how I am"
They are but aren't limited to:

• being overly emotional
• being overly sensitive
• my inability to get (and stay) mad
• being too nice to the undeserving
• caring too much
• treating people the way I want to be treated
• having detailed and intimate dreams

Now, don't get me wrong, these are all WONDERFUL characteristics to have and I do love having them until I get overly emotional or too sensitive about something really petty or something NOBODY else would understand. Until I start hating how someone can hurt my feelings and within 24 hours I've forgiven them and gone back to loving them. Until people start taking advantage of my generosity, or when I can't STOP caring about someone who has obviously stopped caring about me. Being nice and treating people the right way when they treat me like crap. Having these dreams and not being able to act on them for whatever reason.

And then I go back to loving these traits when I see that people appreciate them.

It really is a never ending cycle.

So, in essence, I have a love/hate relationship with my personality. This is just who I am and though I don't like it at times, I've accepted that I will never change.

3 Years Old

*this is my most emotional piece yet, I cried myself to sleep this morning when I finished this piece. It was after 3am and I BADLY wanted to call somebody but I didn't want to interrupt any of my friends' sleep. I sobbed uncontrollably until sleep overtook me*

3 Years Old

I looked at my desktop background (which is a picture of my 3 nieces) just now and realized that two of them are the age I was when my daddy (their granddaddy) passed away. That age is 3, my other niece is 5.

I think about their comprehension level and figure that I had that same level when I was that age. I think about how they look at me and probably believe that I’ll live forever because at 3 they don’t know any better. 

They have yet to experience death. {{Well, the 5 year old has, she lost her grandmother last year}}

Which ultimately led me to believe that I had absolutely NO clue what was going on around me when my daddy died. I’ve heard stories about how I almost got left at the daycare and how I only cried because my mama and brother were crying. I’ve seen pictures too. But that doesn’t mean I understood what was going on.

I had no idea that the man I called daddy would be physically gone from me forever. I had no idea that from then on he’d only live in my heart and the hearts of those who knew him.

I can only imagine how my mother explained to me that I’d no longer be able to SEE my daddy and I often wonder what EXACTLY it was that she said to me. How did she start the conversation and when she asked me if I understood, what did I say? 

I’ve yet to ask these questions because I can’t bear to hear the answers. Maybe when I’m 30.

I look at the picture of my 5 year old niece and wonder would I have understood it a bit better had I been 5 instead of 3? Her level of comprehension is more advanced of course but she looks at me the same way the other two do, as if she’s sure that Auntie Ashley will be around forever. 

So I know I looked at my daddy and was absolutely positive that he’d be around forever. 

And now I’m starting to wonder what my mama said to me the first time I asked about my daddy after he’d been buried. Did she remind me of whatever talk we had during the days leading up to his funeral? Or did she simply re-explain the situation to me?

How many times did she actually have to explain the ENTIRE situation to me before I got to the point where I understood and stopped asking about him?

Thinking about these questions bring tears to my eyes and even wondering what answers I got to these questions bring them on.

But the last question I must ask myself is, how would I explain this to MY child if I had to?