Friday, March 18, 2011

Proud yet Sick of You

Lately {{or should I say after I posted "Life as a 25 year old Virgin}} whenever I make a statement about relationships the rebuttal is ALWAYS "things will change once you start having sex".

Sex complicates things. This I know. For my friends (and random strangers) tell me so. {{To the tune of “Jesus Loves Me”.}}

You might as well have told me that I'm greedy or that the sky is blue (in other words, I didn’t need you to state the obvious).

My issue with this rebuttal though is that it’s more often than not said in the context of "b/c you've waited so long you're going to allow sex to consume you and control your life". Uhm, how the hell do you know that? And who are you to judge me if I do? 

I hate when people talk to me about sex as if they were never virgins themselves. Has it really been that long that you somehow forgot that you were once where I am now?  I also hate when people try to force me to uphold standards they themselves didn’t uphold.  And lastly, I hate when people don’t give me the freedom to pick and choose when I lose my virginity and who I lose it to. It’s not right for you to judge me on my choices when nobody judged you on yours. Okay, so maybe you WERE judged, but you weren’t judged by me which is my point.  I could care less about your sex life and when it started so I want you to not give a f*ck about mine, thanks.
I may be a virgin but I’m not stupid. I’m aware of all the emotions involved with sharing something so sacred with another person. I’m aware of the fact that feelings may arise that I never knew existed afterwards. I’m also aware of the possibility of becoming clingy or addicted.

Would you stay with a cheater? Would you stay with a man who physically abuses you? Are you content with being the other woman or side chick? I can’t say “no” to these and other similar questions without being told “yeah, you get the right dick in you and that will change”. Forgive me but no dick will EVER be good enough to make me stay once you’ve hit me (and lived to talk about it) and no dick will ever be good enough for me to stay if you aren’t treating me right. I will not share my man with a woman I don’t HAVE to share him with so that means it’s a “no” to being a side chick or the other woman (whatever you want to call her). I will never use sex to make a man want to be in a relationship with me. I probably won’t sleep with him anyway if we’re not dating. Which kills his chances of getting some within the first few dates. You wanting to be in a relationship with me will not be because I did something in the bedroom that you enjoyed and want to experience again.

And let’s not get on the topic of the number of sex partners I CHOOSE to have. When I say I will be able to count my number of partners on ONE hand, believe me. 

Why must people constantly tell me that I’m going to be emotionally hurt by whomever I choose to give my virginity to? {{Yes, I say GIVE because at my age, you’re not taking it, I’m willingly giving it to you}}. Who told you that was true? Are you mad b/c the guy who has yours hurt you? Are you feeling guilty because you hurt the woman who gave you her virginity? Either way, why would you wish that upon me? And don’t tell me I’m going to regret my decision down the road. Believe me, I won’t. I’ve kept it this long, there’s no way in hell I’m giving it to some random dude who has not earned it.

Want to know what I love? *sarcasm* How people are SO sure that once I do have sex I’m going to be extremely eager to tell somebody about it. I won’t, I promise. Sure there are some physical tell tale signs that will let those close to me know that my virginity is gone but that’s it. There’s only one person who will EVER know what I do in the bedroom, what’s done to me in the bedroom, whether or not l liked it, etc. Yeah, my diary.
I’ve come to realize, reluctantly though, that people make these assumptions about me b/c they’ve seen other women do them or in a woman’s case, it’s happening to them. Well, guess what, I’m NOT those women. Just because a friend of yours is content with being a side chick doesn’t mean I will be. Your last girlfriend may have allowed you to disrespect her and treat her like crap and was still willing to give you some but I won’t.  You wish you could go back and share this experience with a man who really cares about you. I won’t have to wish that because I’ve waited this long and I know what it’s going to take for me to want to completely open myself up like that to someone. 

So, yes I’m proud to be a virgin but I’m also sick of people throwing their assumptions and theories in my face.

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